The Gift in the Problem

I have been pondering the idea that "there is a gift in every problem".

A problem is often formed by our perspective. (Sometimes, problems are serious problems regardless of our perspective. I'm not tackling those in this post.) Many (perhaps even most) of our problems are have to do with other people, our relationship with those people or our belief in ourselves. 

Initially when offered the notion that there is a gift in every problem my mind immediately brought up images of things physical and/or measurable. A bonus or raise at work, a dish of cookies, my current number one biggest wish, etc.

As I've pondered this concept in more depth I have come concluded that the real gift in every problem is most likely going to be whatever it is that happens WITHIN us as opposed to what we receive on the outside. 

An example - I served with 14 companions (who we stay within sight & sound 24/7) during my 18-month mission. My sanity is happy to report that I won the companion jackpot! I can honestly say they were all amazing sisters and it was a privilege to be with each of them. I loved them all and never had any serious issues with any of them. One of the biggest issues I dealt with was a companion who was seemed to always run late. Every single day. That characteristic was the opposite of my own record of punctuality. I found myself becoming very irritated and allowed my mood to sour. 

One of these days as we were leaving our apartment 20 minutes late (yet again) I wanted to slam the door in frustration and let my companion see how miserable she was making me! Yet before I had the opportunity to do so a different thought passed through my head and I ended up following the direction of that thought instead. I simply and calmly closed the door behind us and we went out to our day. 

For me that moment was huge! I had just overcome a demon building up in girth and stature inside of me. It was mere moments away from getting released to attack my companion! But it didn't get out! I snuffed him out! So... where was the party? Where were the fireworks? The big brass band parade? The angels composing a hymn just for me? {Come to think of it, if any of those did happen I would probably be so ashamed and embarrassed by the spectacle because then every onlooker would know I had a weakness I needed to conquer. I know I lack in so many ways. I just like to keep them hidden from others.}

Nothing showed up. Not even a cup of ice cream (which would have been refreshing in that Georgia heat). Something better happened - I changed! My heart was different. I had bested a small part of the monster that had just about been set free moments earlier. When I realized what had just happened within, my emotions changed from irritated to peaceful and contented. That moment changed the course of that day. There isn't a gift much better than that.

To sum up - the gift we receive when we have found our solution to our problems may very well be that we are better for having the opportunity to overcome. Our gift is a little more of that monster inside is quieted and weakened. We have new good evidence for ourselves that we can do something different and get a better result. 

Though this is a simple example the principle is the same in life when we find ourselves being challenged. There are opportunities and gifts during, through and after the trial. Could it be that it is the priceless gift of being built into someone better than we were yesterday?

 

Throwing Away My List

In looking forward with anticipation for THE one in my life, I like many others, made a list of the qualities of the man for me. One part excitement, another part #goals, another part - don’t settle for anything less than what I want, right? 

Years and many boys passed, right on by without giving me a second glance I might add, let alone pausing for a moment to see how awesome I am. I was (am) a shy person scared silly with putting myself out there. I was a huge fan of the belief that “if a boy wants it, he knows how to get it... or at least pick up the phone and start the process”. 

Then! Boys starting paying attention to me! This was brand new! What do I do? I didn’t have enough time in my schedule to fit them all in! I know I know, even with my high opinion of myself (in my quiet moments of self talk empowerment moments) I never imagined this! 

But.. they didn’t match my list. They weren’t what I had written down. I remember reading my sister-in-law’s list and asking dubiously, “You wrote this BEFORE you met my brother? Because this is him to a ‘T’ ". She confirmed that she had - and when it fit she knew she had found her one. Validation. This is how it worked! 

So I kept plugging on through life with my list. I adjusted it often as I ‘matured’- took off some petty peeves there (but really, I DON’T like flip flops on men 🤪, but off it came), added some spiritual characteristics there. More time went by and I eventually rethought and revamped the list. I whittled it down to only 3 items. Ta-duh!! Someone HAD to meet that criteria, right? Right?! 

And they did! ... but then they didn’t like me back. Now I was being compared to their lists! And I wasn’t measuring up. 

What’s a girl to do? 

I went on a mission. I’d always thought of it but wanted to get married more. Welp! Marriage wasn’t happening and I was only getting older - so I went in - and gave it my all as best I could. It was LOVELY. Not having to worry about boys. They were all around me - too young and too off limits that it never concerned me. 

Those 18 months ended. And I was back in the game! And felt the lousiest at playing than I ever had. I didn't like this game. There were even a couple who were amazing in so many ways. But I didn't feel any 'spark' for them. 😔

Then I got a new job. I thought, "Wow, this boss of mine is so great! He’s seriously got the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met." That was that. We were both pretty much alone. At this stage in my life I only wasn’t just man-less, I was also mostly friendless.

Loneliness hurts. I remember a poem that I had read years ago entitled, "When God wants a Man". The main gist of the poem is that when God wants an amazing person he allows them to endure trials. I was comforted in that thought that God was in the process of molding a Katie to 'play the noblest part, [making her] lonely so that only God's high messages shall reach [her].'  

I was patient waiting for God's messages to reach me. As our friendship became one of the best things in my life - I began to have thoughts. Which I abruptly shoved away. Nope nope nope. Nope. I still dated whenever the opportunity came. Heck! I even became brave enough to initiate a couple of them myself. Then this WEIRD thing happened... I started comparing these boys to my boss. So. Weird. Ew! ... but... maybe? No. Not a chance. Am I sure? Possibly... 

Back and forth, back and forth. 

I went back to my list. It had always been trusty! Even if it hadn't been fruitful...

I measured him to my list, and for every way he didn’t match, there was a louder thought in my head... odd.  

• 5 years within my own - age up or down

Definitely not. Nope! Um, but what about age in the eternities? Does it really matter? I guess not.  

• Strong testimony of Christ

Perhaps I ought to have been a little more specific? He believes in God. Though doesn’t belong to my faith. BUT - he LOVES my faith, and is super supportive of it. 

• Can take me to the temple

Another definite no on this one. Then the thought, “So many are sealed to have those marriages sadly fall apart due to one denying their faith and leaving their covenants behind with their beliefs. There’s no guarantee.” Christopher is pretty committed to me. And people change. I worried so much about people looking at me and saying, “ *Gasp* But she served a mission! She should know better!” I did know better - and that’s precisely what gave me the faith to go forward with Christ. 

There were also other curveballs. He had been married before, had a kid, a background of addiction - so much life that I knew I could not relate to. I'd crushed many boys with these in their backgrounds. Granted - it was one or the other. Not ALL of them at once...  Once more that helpful, faithful voice was there, constantly guiding me. Teaching me “If these things are in his past and repented of, then God has forgotten it. Who am I to hold these things above our future potential when so much of us together “clicks” - the ONE element that has been missing in every other failed, though hoped for, relationship? 

Then - the final test - what will my mom think?!? 😵 I hadn’t told anybody - because this was -again- so weird to me. 

I timidly approached my mom about him - about us. I was pleasantly surprised at her delighted response. That was it. He checked out. He had the Mom Approval. Did I mention how surprised I was?? Because I was fully ready to ditch him and back out completely if she thought otherwise.

Doubts came again. "It’ll be hard!" they told me. Yet again, faithful thoughts once more over ruled. I knew it would be hard with ANY one. Two different people meshing lives together? Yeah. That’s gonna be tough. No matter what. Love and commitment. That’s what we can work with and increase. 

It’s now been just over a year. A few days ago Christopher and I had a good conversation on one of our ever - increasing drives up to West Yellowstone. I am so grateful for him and what he has done, who he has become and how we have grown together. He knows me better than anyone (which I sometimes love, and sometimes don't 😉 ) I was right - it has been tough, even super tough sometimes. Yet I am SO happy that he is the one I am sharing my home, life and heart with. I’m grateful for the life he had before I came along so he could learn all the things that make him such a wonderful husband to me now. I stand in awe at the things we have done and built together since we’ve become each other’s “One”. 

We are so different that there’s always something new we can fight about, erm, learn a new perspective on. 😉 We surprisingly balance out each other’s weaknesses with our strengths quite well. Truly a blessing indeed. We only get better together each day.

For all of you that your first list worked - I’m so happy for you. Seriously. I used to be jealous. I wouldn’t trade this learning process and experience for anything. I am grateful that my first list got me started and that in a round about way it put me on track to meet and marry Christopher. Even more so I am grateful for the guidance and influence of the Holy Ghost, giving me strength to forge my own path and toss the old list away in favor of something, someone, so wonderful for me beyond my imagination.

Merry Christmas from the Balmer's

This has been a yet another good year with highs and lows, yet how would we know when we were on a hill top if we had never experienced a valley?

Some of our hilltops this year : 

We moved into our new home in January! We have a beautiful home that suits us perfectly. Often we just sit together and feel so much gratitude that we’ve been able to buy a house. I’ve never had my own house before! I still love going to my front door and welcoming people from the outside to come in to our little haven. 

We have also almost made it one whole year without internet or cable in our home!! Guess what? It can be done. Neither one of us has died yet ;) 

We did get to take many good people on workshops this year and see wonderful and beautiful places:

Christopher and Katie:

Africa

Sri Lanka

Alaska ( C-2, K-1)

Christopher also took a group to Brazil. He left me behind. Unfortunately once you go some where with your new husband and you out shoot him (aka get a better picture than he does causing instant envy) he doesn’t care so much about taking you back again. Guess I’ve got to reel in my mad photography skillz ;) 

I also think I win best wife award for sending Christopher off an a week long “Man-Date” with a couple of his good friends in Oregon. I came out on top though when we brought back the big box of VooDoo donuts (Thanks, Harold!) 

But then Christopher again wins the trophy when he generously offered up his hard earned sky miles (His first class trip to South Africa is that much further away now...) so Meg and I could visit Heidi in Nebraska for her birthday!!! WHAT?! So awesome we got to go see her. My only complaint is that our visit was much too short. 

All of Christopher’s 3 nieces and nephew took a turn visiting his parents this year. I loved the opportunity to meet more of his family and having them each come over for a home cooked meal (Christopher cooked of course). 

On August 29 I dragged Christopher to the Playmill’s production of Newsie’s with bribes of our favorite street tacos from the taco bus in West Yellowstone. He finally grudgingly agreed, though this didn’t stop him trying to back out every opportunity he could find. (BTW - he ended up liking it! He’s totally a musical-lover in denial). 

On our trip from the car to the play we passed a small photo/camera store going out of business. Christopher’s business mind snapped into action and he instantly had dreams of creating another camera store. Because Perfect Light just wasn’t enough to keep both of us busy. 

Christopher and I celebrated our FIRST anniversary!! For my present he bought me a store!… :-/ :-) The weekend of our anniversary we officially closed the deal on buying another business and The Yellowstone Camera Store began (Opening April 2019!). For better or worse I know I am truly the one responsible for this new crazy adventure.

We have truly been so blessed together and I am continuously grateful to be sharing my life with Christopher. I admitted before that I was scared to take that step.Yet the more time that goes on the more I know that I made the best decision. He helps me recognize many of my weaknesses and is always so patient with me ;) We are also so very blessed with our family and friends who are continually there offering their love and support. 

We wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy 2019!! 

My One

I would like to say that I knew what I was doing a year ago when I officially said “Yes” to Christopher. In reality - I was terrified. This was a huge commitment - one that I couldn't just quit when I got lazy or when it got tough or uncomfortable. 

My worst fears are those associated with the unknown. Deciding to share my life with some one else presented many unknowns and things I might not be able to control. Christopher and I are so different… yet he had become my closest and best friend. 

I didn’t tell many people of our decision to be married. I didn’t want the voices and opinions of other people in my head to confuse me - I have enough on my own ;) I also thought there could be a slight chance I'd get cold feet - the fewer witnesses there were the better. (Hey! I told you I was scared!)

(If you feel left out because I didn’t tell you - join the club. I assure you that you are in A LOT of good company as we only told family and close friends). 

As I now look back a year later I am pleased and grateful I didn’t turn around and run away. :) We have had a great first year together full of growth, opportunities, blessings and adventures together. There’s definitely been tough times and long nights as our stubbornnesses have clashed. Yet through it all our love and understanding for each other has deepened. I always tell people the Christopher is the best wife I could ever have - he cooks, cleans, shops, and even packs me lunches for work! He's so much more to me than that. He's my strength when I'm weak and my shoulder to cry on. He takes good care of me and adores my family. He honors me even when I feel like there's barely anything to like about me. He's patient, generous and good. He's the first to humbly admit his weaknesses and looks at himself to be better so we can both be stronger together. Heavenly Father really is watching out for me and blessed my life years ago when he brought our paths together :)

Here's to the best choice I never quit. To our first year of many more to come!

Heidi-fied

Last month we were spoiled to have Heidi come out and help us decorate our home! Wow! Best decision ever!! All of my siblings are talented, and I am so happy and grateful I get the benefits of them. Because of schedules she came while Christopher and I were up in West Yellowstone doing the Photography Symposium we now present each year. I gave all my trust and debit cards to Heidi and didn't look back!

We are so grateful for Heidi taking time out of her super busy life of being a mom and church callings to come help us. She shopped, painted, sweated, and pounded nails in our new walls (I was so nervous about that part!) for us. 

We still aren't finished with everything, but I was so excited to share what Heidi (and my mom!!) helped us with that I didn't want to wait any longer to post! 

Our Living Space

Before

After Heidi's touch

After Heidi

Before Heidi

Before Heidi

Heidi found us all kinds of cool stuff to go in the empty space above our cabinets. Filled it in without making it cluttered. She's got pro skills at putting big vinyl stuff up on the wall! 

Our Master Retreat

I love the blue wall! Christopher surprised me with the picture of Christ that I just love! I'm glad Heidi put it here :)

The Guest Suite

Not much to look at...

Heidi-fied!! (And {finally} getting my old bed up here from my parent's house.) Heidi made that headboard out of a map! We are ready for guests! Who's coming?! :)

Entry Way 

Before

Heidi found this table that was PERFECT on clearance! And the wreath that Christopher absolutely loved :D She also found the perfect rug to go by the door.  And remember how talented my siblings are? Jason created a HUGE map out of metal that is going to complete this corner. We just need to get it up :o

Up next, the

Bathroom

Christopher has been kind enough to abide by pineapple fetish. :) Heidi and Mom couldn't find towels with pineapples - but they did find appliques to make me custom towels!! 

They also made a cute little curtain for us! Love it! 

AND... I SAVED MY FAVORITE FOR LAST!!

Christopher has talked about giving me a book nook since before we got married. (That's how I knew he was the man for me! ;) ) My book nook gets to take up room in his office. This is by far my favorite wall now. They did such a fantastic job! 

A few bare walls still with lots of potential. It has been so fun to create a home together that is a reflection of who we are and to have a place to welcome our friends and family. We look forward to filling in the empty spaces with more memories... But next - THE YARD! :)

A Daily Reminder of My Grandma

I often wish that Grandma (my mom's mom) was still here. Fortunately I get to be reminded of her many times a day as I look at my ring. When she passed a few years ago my mom inherited her wedding ring, complete with 2 bands on each side. Heidi has one band,  I received the other and Megan will one day receive the engagement ring to keep.

Grandma was by no means a perfect person, yet she was a woman of faith who lived what she believed. She was fun, hard working, and loving. Though I have many fond memories of her, I have desired many times that I could talk with her now and know her thoughts and feelings in life, love and faith. I wish for her wisdom gained through experience. I would have loved it if she could have met Christopher. I know she would have loved, welcomed and accepted him into our family instantly; and Christopher would have loved her too! :) The thought of her compassion and understanding is made even more sweet by experiencing the bitterness of another's dour rejection.

Until we meet again I will cherish this daily reminder of Grandma and how it connects us, gaining strength from her story and life. I hope that as I do, I will create a life that those who come after me will also be able to find courage and faith through my story, leading to a stronger generation; that even though I too am not perfect, my influence and story will lead to stronger faith and courage, that my life will inspire my family who are yet to come to make decisions and actions with faith and love, instead of judging too quickly out of fear or ignorance.

Family of Rocks

Rocks are everywhere. They are the foundation of our Earth. They are so plentiful they become easily ignored and overlooked in the daily grind of life.  

We may view the numerous rocks in our lives as obstacles that get in our way. We may trip and fall, cursing the rocks that caused our tumble. 

Because of the annoyance we view them as, we can forget all that rocks are. They are building blocks and tools of creation. Rocks can give us support, or provide us a step up. They allow to us to ascend to greater heights, offering grand views from higher perspectives. 

Just because rocks are everywhere, doesn’t mean each rock isn’t extraordinary and doesn’t have a story to tell.

Our rocks - our family and our faith - are our anchors when life becomes stormy. They become our center of stability to bring balance. Sometimes we hit, topple over and crash. The rivers and storms, the wind and the rain…it hurts at times. Yet it is those experiences that knock off our rough edges and reveal a polished finish, and uncover the gems beneath the surface

Each one of us, each one of YOU, is extraordinary… and we have a story to tell. 

Rock on, my family, rock on :)

A special thanks and shout out to my very talented and amazing geologist friend, Melanie K, who is the creator of these beautiful works of art! She was also my inspiration, proof reader and editor to the story I wrote above. :)

It's Been Fun, 2017

This year has been an incredible year. 2018 has a lot to live up to!! Highlights from this year

• Received new visas and stamps in my passport from 3 different countries: 

China. It was a dream come true to experience first hand a country and culture that has always intrigued me.

India - Another dream come true. LOVE India. Even if I did I got food poisoning (I think) and it was super hot. I'd go back. Extraordinary culture, color, people, architecture.... I could go on :)

Brazil - Lovely country! Got soaked by Iguacu Falls and captured some beautiful images of the scenic landscape,  jaguars(!!) and other native wildlife

• Witnessed the moon casting a shadow on the earth from my own backyard!

Picture credit - Christopher Balmer
I didn't get my own image because I was freaking out at how TOTALLY AMAZING this was!! Wow... just wow!! I can't get my fingers to type or my words to express how awe-inspiring this event was!! I knew it would be cool, but it surpasses anything I've ever  experienced. The whole moment of total eclipse was surreal and one of the most astounding things I've ever experienced - and I got to experience it from my own backyard. I loved that all of my Dad's siblings and parents were there along with a couple friends to make the event even more special. I completely understand now why people chase these all over the globe... Argentina 2019, here I come!!

• and got married!

I'm not going to lie - getting married was by far one of the scariest choices I've made in my entire life! What an adventure it has been already. It's still SO WEIRD for me to think that I am married now. I FINALLY got up the courage to look at our wedding pictures (shout out to Jon Leask!!) this week (serious issues about being on the other side of the camera...) and I still just can't believe it. Christopher is such a good person and an amazing husband. He astonishes me with the great strength and fortitude he powers through life with. He is tenacious about life. He works hard and passionately to help so many people. Since we've been married he's cooked nearly every meal we've eaten and cleans up all the dishes. He loves to serve me and I happily let him ;) He paints my toes and rubs my shoulders. He loves my family and my many nieces and nephews - and they adore him back. He supports me in my faith. He believes in me and encourages me to reach whatever goals I set for myself.  

It's been a big year when I look at it and see everything for what it is. I am so blessed to experience so many wonderful things. I will remember with joy and gratitude the many moments that are good from this year as I also remember and learn from the mistakes and trials. Even with so much good, the other 'stuff' in life can become so daunting. The storm clouds always come, covering the sun for a time. The wind is sure to follow - wreaking even more havoc - but also pushing the clouds away. Yet as a result of the wind and rain, the trees are stronger and the flowers grow more vibrant. 

Wishing all of you a wonderful new year, with joy and opportunities, including the opportunities that force us out of our comfort zones inciting us to become better than we are now. Happy 2018!

Katie Rules

This is an unfinished blog post from oh... 3 months ago :o

Lately I have been feeling major shrinkage. Unfortunately not physically due to my hours at the gym (The fight to not eat myself out of the work I put in at the gym is real...). The best way I can think to describe it is that I not only feel myself diminishing emotionally, spiritually, mentally and socially, I am seeing the result in my attitude and relationships. It's not something I was happy to realize. I spent many years creating myself (we do not find ourselves, we create ourselves) and I kinda liked the strengths that had replaced some of my weaknesses. Now I'm missing them.

I've been taught that depression is a lack of expression. With a busy and changing life I have neglected the things that have made me, me. Negligence starts in one area and before I know it, the effects snowball into all areas of my life. :'o

On a happy note, if an ignored simple adjustment started me in a downward spiral, then a simple realignment can get me back on track! I just have to be mindful about it.


A few days ago in church our teacher began her lesson by asking to write down some of the things we have learned in life.

These are in no particular order:

1. Never act out of spite
2. Resentments are dumb - don't hold them.
3. Don't take anything personally
4. Always do and give MY best
5. Take initiative. Don't wait.
6. Assume the positive.
7. Be kind - Always.
8. Own my actions. Don't blame others.
9. Forget comparing and judging.
10. Make important decisions in faith based on knowledge, not doubts.


Each one of these "Katie Rules" came about because of what I would label as a defining moment. None of these moments were huge in the moment. Only simple thoughts which crossed my mind when I most teachable.

Below I will recount the simple instances of which each of these small realizations changed the track of my life. They have become my daily mantras to keep me looking in the right direction when there are so many experiences each and every day that tug at me, wanting my attention.

Feel free to read on, or just skip it all together! You know how I can blab on when I think I have an audience. ;) Either way, I would LOVE it if in the comments you would leave your personal rules or defining moments. I love learning from you too!


1. Never act out of spite

This story first learned in my adolescence is admittedly kind of (super) silly. Yet I am SO grateful that this was one of my first "Katie Rules" long before I started calling them that.

It was my freshman year of high school. I had a big desire to attend one of the football games. (Seriously, I know. SO NOT me. But... I wanted to try to make friends... and there was a cute boy or two I hoped to watch in their uniforms. Can you blame me?!) My mom quickly shut me down over the phone. I became upset and fear fueled my emotions. How was I ever going to make friends? How was I going to be cool? How was I ever going to see the boy of my dreams? I was angry at my mom for cutting me off to something so important to me. I started to think of ways that I could disappoint her because she had disappointed me! Ugh!

This is the funny part - the worst thing I could think of to punish my mom for this injustice was to dye my hair black. Whooo! So bad! ;) Yep! I was just going to become a goth that my mom wouldn't understand and be ashamed of. Haha! I laugh just thinking about it. {Never mind how I was even going to make that happen when I couldn't even get to a football game ;)}

Then the simple thought came through my mind, "If you do this to make Mom mad, you would also make God unhappy." That's it. Just simple. {And really, we know that God's only going to be unhappy because he knows it's going to make US unhappy and miserable once we start down that road. }

In that moment I learned forever, to never do anything out of spite. It will only end up hurting myself.


2. Resentments are dumb - don't hold them.

One of the things I learned on my LDS mission while being 24/7 with the same person is that resentments can grow very quickly if I am not on constant guard. I am persuaded that this is one of the adversary's top tools to bring relationships to quick deterioration. Great idea! Only one person needs to be effected, then they'll pave an unknown amount of destruction on their own!

One of my companions early on in my mission was very quiet and rarely spoke. You'd think this could be a blessing! As much as I tried, I couldn't get her to carry on a conversation. She gave short answers and twirled her hair, seemingly oblivious to the world around her. There was a lot of quiet time for my imagination to run wild, filling the void with what I thought she was really thinking - She hated me. She thought I was a bad person. She didn't like me. She thought my decisions of our daily activities were wrong. Why else wouldn't you talk to someone you had to be with all day, every day?

Because of these thoughts that I began believing I started to resent her. If she didn't like me, then I didn't like her either! These strong thoughts lead to powerful emotions that continued to weaken our companionship. Again - just a simple moment with a simple more powerful thought entered into my mind - "Katie! This is ALL in your head! You have never talked to her about this, let alone spoken aloud about this (because, you know, things just sound so much more ridiculous when you actually say it verbally). How do you know that it is even real?? Are your feelings justified?"

I came to the conclusion that I have absolutely zero right to hang on to a resentment about someone if I am unwilling to discuss my feelings with them openly in a non-blaming manner. Because if I don't, I have no way to know if what I am feeling is based on any kind of truth (they usually aren't).

I'm grateful I learned this early in my mission, because it was a pattern I would see repeated with almost every companion. It allowed me to be aware and watch out for it so I would recognize when to slap those thoughts down early on with a metaphorical beating!

3. Don't take anything personally

Come with me to college now :) In my business class I had spent the first couple weeks sitting next to a boy I thought was cute and funny. Two of my favorite things!! We talked and laughed every day we sat in class. I thought it was way beyond the point of when he should have asked me out. On the day I had decided I would be bold and ask him out he surprised me (!) by inviting me over to his apartment that evening for a fire with his roommates. Oh! I was SO happy and excited!

That evening I prepared myself to look and smell so good (teen girl squad voice). I got in my car, drove up to his apartment house and knocked boldly on his door at the designated time. One of his roommates answered the door. I asked if my future boyfriend (I used his name, not that term. Don't worry ;) ) was there. His roommate looked confused, scratched his head, looked around, then finally looked back with a pitying look and told me he wasn't. My rare confidence had quickly faded and I felt 2 inches tall. If you knew me then, you know how shy and timid I was, especially when it came to dealing with the opposite sex. Embarrassed I told him thank you and ran back to my car and drove home.

I wanted to be angry. I was hurt and humiliated. This kid didn't even have the courtesy to call me up to tell me plans had changed, he got stuck somewhere... yadda yadda, excuses excuses. Before this experience I would have been tempted to think that because he had forgotten me that I was a nobody. Because he placed so little value on me, that that must be what I was worth.

Instead once I got home I changed into some comfortable sweats and jumped on my bike for a ride - something I have always loved. I knew somehow that his lack of respect for me wasn't a manifestation of my worth, but rather a reflection of him and who he is. I didn't have to take his treatment or forgetfulness of me personally. I didn't even have to get bent out of shape. It just was what it was.

The following Monday I knew I would see him again. I had the choice to treat him as someone who had offended me and wasted my time (and perfume... well, I guess it's okay to smell good all the time ;) ) or.. not. On Monday I greeted him like I usually did. I don't think it was until that moment that he realized his social faux pas. He made his excuses and I quickly forgave him. We remained friends. Though I never cared if he asked me out again :) I knew that he was not the kind of man I wanted to date.

4. Always do and give MY best

After graduating from college I worked and danced around in many jobs to support my other job of portrait photography. One of the jobs I passed through was working at a dry cleaners. Not the most glamorous job. But the girls there were fun to talk to and I even got a mini facial about every 3 minutes as I pressed hundreds of suit pants each day.

I was working away in my back corner when I heard one of the ladies greet a customer. After the customer left, this woman commented to another worker that should not have said "Hi" to the guy because he didn't deserve her kindness.

I considered that for a moment. I didn't know the person she was speaking about. He could have been a real slime ball. Yet it's not our call to judge, but rather to love. Do we not always deserve to give the best to others because we owe it to ourselves and to our character to give others the benefit of the doubt?

We deserve to always give our best. Not because those around always deserve it, but because we owe it to ourself to always offer our best. Like in non-future husband's example above - our actions are not a reflection of those around us, just ourselves.

5. Take initiative. Don't wait.

This one is simple - so simple. No long story here! I overheard someone I highly respected say simply that in her household they were taught to take the initiative. If you see something that needs to be done - just do it. We don't need to wait for someone else to do it. Using the excuses of "I did it last time" or "I don't know how" or "I didn't make the mess" or any other variance is just a waste of time. Take an extra moment, learn something new and make things happen!

6. Assume the positive.

This one isn't so much my own story. It's more of Sheri Dew's. In one of her books she recounted the experience of when she had reacted harshly to one of her counselors. This counselor took no offense. Rather the next day she stopped by Sheri's with a treat and a kind word. She showed love and concern. Sheri apologized and admitted her outburst was out of other frustrations.

I thought at that moment I thought to myself, "I want to be that person. Someone who can assume positively and give others the benefit of the doubt". This one is definitely a work in progress for me.

7. Be kind - Always.

I think bringing in together 1, 2, 3, and 4 "Katie Rules" just automatically creates another one.

Often my instinctive reaction when I feel that I have been wronged or hurt is blame others, to get angry, or to hurt them back. I'm not very physically tough so my method would be sharp retorts of the tongue meant to wound the spirit. Something that can be far more damaging with longer effects.

I once read in a book by Kerry Blair, "Words spoken in haste are often lamented in leisure". It is a good reminder to hold my tongue when my passions are flared. I don't like regrets and if I have fewer words and actions to regret later - all the better :)

I've thought to myself that I want to always be kind, even if at the moment I don't feel like it or feel that others 'deserve' it. I have never once regretted kindness, no matter the circumstance. But I have often regretted rudeness in the quiet moments of self reflection.

8. Own my actions. Don't blame others.

I was a pharmaceutical technician for about a year during one of my multiplicity of jobs after college. I worked with a woman who was quick to take ownership for her mistakes. I loved that! Up to this point in my life (and still now) it is a very rare characteristic to find in others. Someone who will step up and claim their own fallacy with boldness and confidence. She didn't fear embarrassment or shame at admitting her blunders. Yet because she was quick to judge her own faults, she was able to become better. It was never in a self defeating way - she saw her mistake and quickly made changes to fix the problem.

Imagine what a better world it would be- in work and in relationships - if more would adopt this characteristic - That instead of looking around to find who or what we can blame, we take a good look at ourself. That will fix far more issues than blaming. There's not much we can do to change those around us. However, we there's a whole lot we can change in ourselves.

9. Forget comparing and judging. 

What girl doesn't compare and judge herself by measuring herself up to her peers? I've come to realize that comparing myself to others only brings me stress, anxiety, and despair. Once I realized that we tend to compare our worst with other's best, or the full story of our life with the glimpses and assumptions we make of others - our comparisons are lousy at best.

10. Make important decisions in faith based on knowledge, not doubts. 

China - May 2017

We can doubt as long as the day is long. There will never be a shortage of doubts. Often times I've been tempted to take the easy out. Easy being making choices based on what I can see, what I know and are within my comfort zone.

I have missed out on multiple experiences and relationships because I was making choices based on my present knowledge and doubts.

So many experiences have taught me to "feel the fear and do it anyway"-as they say - like my decision to travel to Guam alone (just traveled alone, I wasn't alone there :) ), a decision to serve a mission, and eventually the decision to marry Christopher along with tons of others.

There will be many unknowns throughout life that will continuously persuade us to shrink back.

I don't want to miss out on something wonderful just because I don't have all the answers right now. I choose to move forward making choices with what I DO know.

I know that God lives. And I do know that he wants all of us to live with him again one day. And most of all, I know that if I make mistakes in this life, God miraculously, lovingly and mercifully can turn my missteps to good and benefit as I continue to look to Him. 

Happy Like Lehi

This is a post I started June 21, 2015 - now over 2 years ago... It's been living in the drafts of my blog. I thought that it deserved to be finished. I am sad that I didn't finish it as the passion and inspiration that began the entry have somewhat disappeared with time and negligence. I will do my best to finish what was started: 


Yesterday was my birthday. YAY!! I'm old(er) now.... Yay?... :o ;)

Truly - I like my birthday. It's a day about me and marking my time of making the world a better place just by being birthed (Shout out to my Mamma! Thanks, Ma!) And instead of looking at it as another year I will never get back and farther away from my youth, I have decided to change my perspective that another year older is another year down - another year closer to the next phase of life, which I hear is even better than this one. :)

Yet... at the same time. I'm 29. You know the days of youth when you would write down lists of the things you wanted to achieve and the person you wanted to become? Yeah, well... that hasn't worked out for me [yet]. Life has been one surprise right after another. Without mentioning any specific experience(s) I thought I would have experienced by now, I am tempted to dislike my life because I feel like a failure in those regards. I remind myself daily to not compare my position in life with that of others. That even when I think that I am on plan 'T,' I am still on God's 'Plan A' for my life.

It's at moments like these that the scriptures really add perspective to my life. There's a reason God wants us to read them frequently... like every day :)

A few months into my mission I had started reading the Book of Mormon from the beginning again. I was in the 2nd chapter of the 1st book. God is talking to Lehi in verse 2 and is telling Lehi how blessed he is for being faithful and obedient in declaring repentance his people. Those blessings are those same people were now attempting to kill him.

I think we (or am I alone here?) fail to notice how awesome Lehi is. Probably because it's Nephi's book and we get caught up in his stud-liness that we overlook the old guy that is Nephi's father.

Ooh, which reminds me, I left you with a teaser last week. In 1st Nephi, chapter 2, v. 1, the Lord came to Lehi and said, "Blessed art thou Lehi, because" and then it says thanks for obeying my commandments and ends with and others want to "take away your life". Say wha?! All in the same sentence! I'm blessed because people want to kill me?? Lehi is a great man to learn from. The Lord says, Lehi, go and teach this people to repent. He does it. The people hate it, and then hate on Lehi. But, Lehi's blessed and people want to take his life. Then the Lord comes to Lehi again and tells him to leave his home, his job, his house... everything he knows to go out and live in the wilderness for who knows how long. Talk about hard. So because Lehi is blessed, people want to kill him, he has to leave his home and money, and his sons hate him. Sweet. But what does Lehi do?? 1 Ne. 2:7. He builds an altar and gives thanks to the Lord. Yep. I need to be more like Lehi. Most definitely!! Look up 2 Cor. 12:9. Glory in infirmities. Talk about changing your perspective about hard times. 


That's it... where was I going with this? Before my mid-entry tangent and life hindrance. I remember that a couple days prior to beginning this entry I had a conversation about our beliefs with a friend who is not LDS but falls beneath the Christian umbrella. He told me that though we disagreed, he had a high level of respect for me - even if my beliefs were "kooky". {Mmm... I like cookies... FOCUS KATIE!} I remember feeling complimented that day because he called me "kooky", and I thought that it made me a little bit like Lehi. His family thought he was a little crazy, and he accepted it (1 Nephi 5:1-4). I mean, who wouldn't want to be like the person who can find it in himself to be give thanks and be joyous in the midst of trial, tribulation and the all around hated facing the unknown? He chose to look up and see what God saw, rather than allowing himself to be hindered like so many of us with short sighted-ness.

Yep, I think being happy like Lehi is a worthy goal indeed! 

Perspective 31

Turning 31 has definitely been harder than turning 30. Why? Getting kicked out of the singles ward, or to be ‘politically’ correct - being ‘invited to leave’ the singles ward has had a huge impact. I no longer feel I am wanted or feel like I belong. That’s me. It’s nothing to do with others. I just plain feel ashamed or embarrassed that I've failed in a few things in life. 

I knew it was coming. To be completely honest I’ve had very little to do with the YSA since returning home from my mission. My friends were gone, I had little time to make more friends, and now I felt old compared to the ward. I had a hard time feeling like I connected with the majority of the ward members. My busy schedule made it hard for me to attend activities. When I did attend I felt that rift. Self-imposed? Sure, I’ll take the blame. Nothing but excuses. I can openly admit my weaknesses. Relationships are 2 ways and I didn't do my part. I eventually gave up all together in the two years since my RM status. I simply went to church, took the sacrament, sat, learned, contributed comments in class, fulfilled my calling(s) and left. It was my place to go on Sunday with people who I didn't grow up with and happened to be single, just like me. I at least belonged in that one aspect. 

I knew my departure would take place and in a way I was ready for it. Yet at the same time it brought a strong sorrow and depression into my heart and mind that surprised me. I felt like I have failed in attaining the great Mormon directive and dream - Get married to a good man in the temple for time and eternity and start making a family. Easy!…ier said then done. My Bishop telling me during his ‘invitation’ to leave talk days before my birthday (they couldn’t wait to get the almost 31 year old riff raff out of that building) that he “understood” did not help one iota. I had no idea that a 40 something year old man who married a former mission companion’s sister could empathize so perfectly with a 31 year old female who has never had the opportunity to marry up to this point in life… Just a reminder to myself when I am in that kind of situation that instead of faking it, own up to my ignorance. That is far less demeaning to the person who is struggling. Sympathize, don't pretend to empathize. 

This is one of the great trials of life - being single that is. My life has turned out nothing like I supposed or imagined or hoped. In the big stuff - like finding a companion to share life with. I don’t care that I changed my major 3 times during my university years, or that I am not driving a green car, or going on a mission when I didn’t plan to or that I ended up in Ravenclaw instead of Gryfinndor… oh wait… never mind. 

One of the greatest blessings of my mission was how it changed my perspective on life. Going on a mission I knew before where I was going, how long I would be there, and that it was going to be character building, aka “tough” ;) General stuff. I didn’t know details - the people I’d serve with, the callings I would hold, the wards I would serve, the people I would teach. Though I knew how long I would be there, it didn’t help me feeling like those 18 months were going to be what made up the rest of my life during the tough times. Yet the details - Jamie, Sister Atkinson, Karen, etc - made it so much more enjoyable and worth it. 

Before coming to this earth I knew the general stuff - I was coming here to be tested and tried for about 1 day (now at least 32 years) to 100 years. The details - my family, growing up in Rexburg, etc - have made it enjoyable. Yet there are trials - the tough, character building stuff - that make it seem like this is it. 

I know I’m getting wordy in trying to explain myself… Let me try to bring it in for you. Being on my mission there were days I thought my mission was all there had ever been, was and would be. With a perspective like that it was easy to get down hearted, depressed, miserable, gloomy and grouchy. Yet I knew despite my dismal self that there would be an end, I would get to see my happy details (family :) ) again, I would get to return back to Rexburg (I know that doesn’t sound exciting to some… but now that I’ve seen and lived other places, I really love my hometown), my big comfy bed, I would get to go places alone, I would get to be with my DSLR again, and get to choose a different schedule in my life one day. Hurray! Being reunited with my family and imagining that moment gave me peace, comfort and hope. Those 18 months weren’t going to last forever. I just needed to buck up and give the very best I could offer at that moment and enjoy the mission details while I could. Because one day this blessing of a mission would only be a memory I would look back on, and I wanted as few regrets as possible. 

Likewise, this time on earth has purpose and it has an end. And even though I don’t get what I want when I want how I want it - It’ll be okay. Because I am Heavenly Father’s child. He has a purpose and plan for me. (I sometimes wonder if he does… yet my testimony that he does was born out of seeing His hand in so many of the live’s of those I taught during my mission [Silly how it’s easier for us to recognize God’s hands in the lives of others than it is to recognize it in our own at times].) This life isn’t all there is and there is still plenty of time for good things, even great things to happen! Having a vision of my reunion with Heavenly Father after this life gives me the strength to not give so much acknowledgement, worry, concern and anxiety attacks during the character building of this life. A vision of greater things to come gives me perspective of life now. At the end of this life, I still want to have as few regrets as possible. 

As a missionary, I was on average 5-7 years older than the rest of the missionaries I served with, also giving me a different perspective. I had already lived a ‘real life’ after high school and college before starting out on my mission adventure. I’ve heard many missionaries report that their mission was the hardest thing they have ever done up to that point in their life. It wasn’t so with me. It was hard, but life is hard. It was hard in a different way. I didn’t have to worry about gas, utilities, dating, etc. In a way missionary life was a breeze! In a way, not every way :) 

No matter who you are or where you are there are times we feel we’ve been dealt the losing hand or we may even think to God, ‘when it gets too quiet up there, You say to Yourself, "What kind of mischief can I play on My friend ___(insert your name here___?” (Gotta love Tevye!) We all have aspirations, goals, and ambitions in life, whether large or small. When those expectations aren’t met we automatically think we’ve been jilted or forgotten. This is not the case. It’s … life. Just life. And it won’t last forever. It’s just something we have to get through, and we will. Even if we struggle. There is no person who is free from life and caring about something in it. We may have different life expectations and experiences, therefore different trials. Everyone struggles differently. That is why we have the tender mercies of the happy details. A day resting in the sun, listening to the laughter of children, and so much more. Where am I going to allow the weight of my daily joy of life to rest - upon the details or the trials?

(On a side note - I once tested the theory that if I could get rid of all my expectations, I would have no disappointments, and therefore have more happiness. I don’t recommend this method… It leads to another kind of melancholy sorrow. It’s finding that balance of having expectations and continuing to hope and persevere through what we view as a set back or unanswered prayers in our limited perspective.)

This in no way effects my testimony of the true and living church. I still want to go to church, I just don’t feel like I belong in any ward right now. It’s just tough. And that’s okay. I’ll build character. I’ll be able to honestly empathize with others who may face this in their life. It may take me awhile, but I’ll figure it out and make it through. Which will give me knowledge, experience and strength to one day hopefully strengthen others. I’ll gain courage to attend once again the ward of my youth as an adult. (Cries.) This is just a little pebble. I know so many who suffer so much more. A special thanks to Christopher who knows how important this part of my life is and gave me a little pep talk reminding me of what is and isn’t important, encouraging me to go despite the stoopid feelings I have inside. That’s a real friend.

I will never allow a dumb, non-eternal church policy to destroy my love of true eternal doctrine and the testimony I have worked many years to build. I’ll look back on this time one day and know that I gave my best that I could offer at that time. My best this week will be different from my best last week and my best next week. But I’ll always offer my best.